Night/Dawn/Day of the Davening Dead

I used to disdain rote davening, davening that wasn't "spiritual" (what/whenever that means [anything]), now I daven Minha/Aravit bal peh, and I actually hear myself saying it, listening to myself speaking the words. I was Deaf the first few years of life and have a different relationship to written vs. oral information as a result; I definitely don't learn/lern as others do. watching all the black hats from behind (I'm the guy in the back, on the left), I wonder how Matrix-like the hats and coats are, realise my mind is wondering, i try to wonder back to the words, the ones we are all saying (more or less; I noticed not everyone says "Sh'ma kolainu Hashem Elokainu; Hoos v'Rahaim aleinu!"), all wondering from.